Thursday, May 22


I am stuck in an actual dream, not imaginary, not alleged, nor ideal. And yet it all seems to be real. I am stuck in time before time, in a moment that cannot decide if it is void or infinite. Stuck in an existence I ponder upon.


Why am I here? Why are we here? Questions that raise the possibilities of an infinite array of impossible reasons which in my opinion are best left unanswered. What about G_D you ask? What about heaven and hell? What about angels and demons and Santa Claus and the little imp who steals your last cigarettes just when you let your guard down for that one tiny moment of time you ask?

Well.. I don't know. And if you're expecting to find answers to these questions here, press *ALT+F4*.

Wandering souls wandering without reason to feel needed or worthy. Wandering with the hope of a better tomorrow only because today does not shine. Wandering for the light, and followed by the darkness. Shadows searching for a smile on their empty faces devoid of emotion, yearning for solace in loneliness, or loneliness in solace.

I am not here to start a debate on what exists and what doesn't. It is not in my nature to sit down and explain anything to anyone, BUT, if you're willing to listen, AND, are patient enough to sit through the painful ordeal of reading this post, I'm sure you'll find a few interesting things here and there(hopefully).

In the past few days I have shared a conversation with a few intellectuals regarding the biggest question(or so it may seem) of them all.

What is the meaning of life? What is our purpose? Why are we here? Et cetera et cetera...

Pardon me. I could not put up the questions as one single question.

Among the people that I had the privilege of sharing this conversation with(a majority of which are dear friends), are:
(1) A brother who shares not blood, but soul... (Z)

(2) Another brother whom I've known for 6 years now. Sarcasm and common sense seem to be his best traits, the former being the most annoying thing you can ever experience. (K)

(3) A kid with whom I share quite a few tastes in music and who, like me, also has a well-developed fetish for strings on wood and surreal variations in music.(R)

(4) A girl who, apart from being an extreme metal fan, is fascinated with death, and does a brilliant job of justifying the same. Don't ask. Deep 'deep' logic going on here... (D)

(5) And a few others whom I do not know well enough to describe in a person. Nonetheless it was a pleasure sharing thoughts and ideas.

Now on with the tale...

Life is death. Life is purpose. Life is experience. Life is everything and yet nothing at all. Life is an amalgamation of every experience, every ideal, every motive, every purpose and every existence. It would not do justice to describe life as one word, one idea, one definition, because doing that would mean that you were to segregate it, separate it, dissolve it, as a completely independent individual entity, which in my opinion, it is not.

There is more to life than purpose. There is more to it than start and end, and then there is the void in between the two. There is more to it than using emphatic words to frame a flashy description. Life is not about purpose. It is about experience. which in turn defines the purpose. Regardless of what you say or do, what you choose to experience, be it victory, satisfaction, pain, joy, sorrow, anything and everything is defined by what you choose to experience in life. And hence you choose to experience, and ergo your purpose is sub-consciously decided for you, by you. and maybe, just maybe, leading it in silence without bitching/ or complaining about it or analyzing it would be a good idea. It helps to have a train of thought that goes beyond dissecting the intricacies laid down upon us by the continuum of eternal life. In short, it is wise choose to ignore the lines between the lines, and concentrate on the notes between the notes.

"Ive always believed that there is a force that pushes us forward in life. And Im here to discuss about it. " What is it? Greed? Thirst? Desire?"

The above quote signifies the start of this entire ordeal.

It is indeed true that there is an unknown force that drives us to push forward, and yet again, we know not what it precisely is. Notice how I utilize the word 'precisely' to eliminate the existence of any doubtful or assumed possibilities. There is not definite answer to the question. No definite solution to the puzzle. We live in a dream inside a dream. And as long as we're living, it is not the purpose that defines us, it is the motive.

Think about that. Good night, and Goodbye.