Saturday, June 28

10 greats...

What is the easiest way to start a band??
Read the followin steps:
1)Hear some lame Nu-metal track.
2)Get inspired.
3)Decide to start a band, get rich,n get famous.
4)Take no steps to achieve ur goal, instead, DAYDREAM!!!
5)Decide whos gonna play what instrument.
6)Spread the news of the rise of a great new rock band(Urs naturally).
7)Learn to actually play something, so that ppl actually respect u.
8)By the time u actually get serious, part seperate ways.
9)Regret for the rest of ur life.
10)Read this Message.
11)Start a band with new spirit n hope.
12)Keep playin, n Rock On!!!

-Faiz Shariff


Basic Theory: Moshing n headbanging

1)Drink loads of booze.
2)Add sufficient doses of weed for good measure.
3)Enter the pit.
4)Bang ur head(Not on another).
5)Shove, push n pull people around.
6)If ur big n bulky, make people fall n bleed.
7)If ur small n puny, fall n bleed on people.
8)Get up, rinse, repeat.
9)Repeat steps 1,2,4 n 5.Step 3 can be repeated if ur puny ass is kicked out of the pit.
10)Banging n shaking ur head all over the place, along with moshing n shovin ur weight(n other people) earns u the respect of the other fellow rockers. It is however, contagious, n could land ur ass into trouble if ur not careful, which u wont be considering ur ass is already stuffed with an overdose of booze and dope.

PRECAUTION:Take the trouble of making sure that the band is actually playing before u do all this. Precaution can be declared void if ur carcass is already too high on dope n booze.

Thats it.Happy headbanging.


10 great ways to chase your audience away:

1. The city where you get your next job needs meaningful posters. Put phrases on it like "Faster than Yngwie" or, "The god has landed".
2. Always wear dark sunglasses when you go on stage and welcome your audience with the legendary sentence, "Hello you crazy motherf......s."
3. If you make a mistake on the guitar, cast an angry look towards your bass player and apologize for your musicians through the microphone.
4. If it's too obvious that you made that mistake, play it over and over again. The audience will think that it's a part of that song.
5. Always remind your audience that it is so great to be back in the USA again!
6. Always carry messages in your songs. Child-Work, social disease, unemployment, war, environmental pollution - put it all in one song and let your audience feel that you have the solution.

7. Don't tune your guitar before you play. Keith didn't either.

8. Buy some new stuff for your guitar amp and read the instructions on stage.

9. Don't miss playing a bonus track at the end of the show. The audience is so fascinated with your playing and your appearance, it's been so mind-blowing and spectacular, that they just forgot to call for it.

10. Play a love song with great lyrics, "I heard your voice in the wind over the mountains where the moonlight shined in the deep blue sea, and an eagle told me that you belong to me..." or something like that.

NOTE:Everything written above is meant purely for humour. Some might like it, some might not. Cheers.