Once a bear and a rabbit were quietly and peacefully attending to nature's call by the side of a river. The bear turns around and asks the rabbit: "Excuse me, would you get offended if any of my download were to get on your fur." "No", replied the rabbit. So the bear cleaned itself with the rabbit.
The End.
Don't ask. I didn't make the damn joke,
Saturday, June 28
10 greats...
What is the easiest way to start a band??
1. The city where you get your next job needs meaningful posters. Put phrases on it like "Faster than Yngwie" or, "The god has landed".
2. Always wear dark sunglasses when you go on stage and welcome your audience with the legendary sentence, "Hello you crazy motherf......s."
3. If you make a mistake on the guitar, cast an angry look towards your bass player and apologize for your musicians through the microphone.
4. If it's too obvious that you made that mistake, play it over and over again. The audience will think that it's a part of that song.
5. Always remind your audience that it is so great to be back in the USA again!
6. Always carry messages in your songs. Child-Work, social disease, unemployment, war, environmental pollution - put it all in one song and let your audience feel that you have the solution.
7. Don't tune your guitar before you play. Keith didn't either.
8. Buy some new stuff for your guitar amp and read the instructions on stage.
9. Don't miss playing a bonus track at the end of the show. The audience is so fascinated with your playing and your appearance, it's been so mind-blowing and spectacular, that they just forgot to call for it.
10. Play a love song with great lyrics, "I heard your voice in the wind over the mountains where the moonlight shined in the deep blue sea, and an eagle told me that you belong to me..." or something like that.
NOTE:Everything written above is meant purely for humour. Some might like it, some might not. Cheers.
Read the followin steps:
1)Hear some lame Nu-metal track.
2)Get inspired.
3)Decide to start a band, get rich,n get famous.
4)Take no steps to achieve ur goal, instead, DAYDREAM!!!
5)Decide whos gonna play what instrument.
6)Spread the news of the rise of a great new rock band(Urs naturally).
7)Learn to actually play something, so that ppl actually respect u.
8)By the time u actually get serious, part seperate ways.
9)Regret for the rest of ur life.
10)Read this Message.
11)Start a band with new spirit n hope.
12)Keep playin, n Rock On!!!
-Faiz Shariff
***************
*******************
10 great ways to chase your audience away:1)Hear some lame Nu-metal track.
2)Get inspired.
3)Decide to start a band, get rich,n get famous.
4)Take no steps to achieve ur goal, instead, DAYDREAM!!!
5)Decide whos gonna play what instrument.
6)Spread the news of the rise of a great new rock band(Urs naturally).
7)Learn to actually play something, so that ppl actually respect u.
8)By the time u actually get serious, part seperate ways.
9)Regret for the rest of ur life.
10)Read this Message.
11)Start a band with new spirit n hope.
12)Keep playin, n Rock On!!!
-Faiz Shariff
***************
Basic Theory: Moshing n headbanging
1)Drink loads of booze.
2)Add sufficient doses of weed for good measure.
3)Enter the pit.
4)Bang ur head(Not on another).
5)Shove, push n pull people around.
6)If ur big n bulky, make people fall n bleed.
7)If ur small n puny, fall n bleed on people.
8)Get up, rinse, repeat.
9)Repeat steps 1,2,4 n 5.Step 3 can be repeated if ur puny ass is kicked out of the pit.
10)Banging n shaking ur head all over the place, along with moshing n shovin ur weight(n other people) earns u the respect of the other fellow rockers. It is however, contagious, n could land ur ass into trouble if ur not careful, which u wont be considering ur ass is already stuffed with an overdose of booze and dope.
PRECAUTION:Take the trouble of making sure that the band is actually playing before u do all this. Precaution can be declared void if ur carcass is already too high on dope n booze.
Thats it.Happy headbanging.
N ROCK ON!!!
-FAIZ
2)Add sufficient doses of weed for good measure.
3)Enter the pit.
4)Bang ur head(Not on another).
5)Shove, push n pull people around.
6)If ur big n bulky, make people fall n bleed.
7)If ur small n puny, fall n bleed on people.
8)Get up, rinse, repeat.
9)Repeat steps 1,2,4 n 5.Step 3 can be repeated if ur puny ass is kicked out of the pit.
10)Banging n shaking ur head all over the place, along with moshing n shovin ur weight(n other people) earns u the respect of the other fellow rockers. It is however, contagious, n could land ur ass into trouble if ur not careful, which u wont be considering ur ass is already stuffed with an overdose of booze and dope.
PRECAUTION:Take the trouble of making sure that the band is actually playing before u do all this. Precaution can be declared void if ur carcass is already too high on dope n booze.
Thats it.Happy headbanging.
N ROCK ON!!!
-FAIZ
*******************
1. The city where you get your next job needs meaningful posters. Put phrases on it like "Faster than Yngwie" or, "The god has landed".
2. Always wear dark sunglasses when you go on stage and welcome your audience with the legendary sentence, "Hello you crazy motherf......s."
3. If you make a mistake on the guitar, cast an angry look towards your bass player and apologize for your musicians through the microphone.
4. If it's too obvious that you made that mistake, play it over and over again. The audience will think that it's a part of that song.
5. Always remind your audience that it is so great to be back in the USA again!
6. Always carry messages in your songs. Child-Work, social disease, unemployment, war, environmental pollution - put it all in one song and let your audience feel that you have the solution.
7. Don't tune your guitar before you play. Keith didn't either.
8. Buy some new stuff for your guitar amp and read the instructions on stage.
9. Don't miss playing a bonus track at the end of the show. The audience is so fascinated with your playing and your appearance, it's been so mind-blowing and spectacular, that they just forgot to call for it.
10. Play a love song with great lyrics, "I heard your voice in the wind over the mountains where the moonlight shined in the deep blue sea, and an eagle told me that you belong to me..." or something like that.
NOTE:Everything written above is meant purely for humour. Some might like it, some might not. Cheers.
Saturday, June 7
Origins
Long ago when i was a little boy without a purpose I would spend many a days gazing out at the stars and hoping that one of them fell on my biology teacher. That never happened. SO i kept gazing harder the next few times. Still didn't work so I stopped gazing and just passed out of high school and got it over with. Intermediate Education was another pain in all the wrong places with me getting into shit at all the wrong times and getting beaten up by all my sirs all because ofbad timing and the amazing ability to get caught at just the right time... when my hands were BRIGHT red. In this sad time of my life I met another boy who, though a lot lot bigger in size, had the same sized brain and the same stupid outlook about life. It clicked and we'd spend many days by the road eating chinese noodles or chatting away in Irani cafes collectively paying for chai and other essential commodities. Time passed and soon we moved on out into the big bad world of Engineering. The stupidest thing that i have done so far. I could never think that 4 yrs in that place could ruin the discipline and nerdiness that 18yrs of life had worked on. Praneeth bhai zindabad!! He's the coolest no? No?
And time moved on.
One day when I was smoking spiked hooka in the mystical himalayas i came across another boy, who, like me, had a fetish for navy cut cigs and strings on wood. It was a wonderful day, though i have no memory as to how. Ahem.. so then we sat down and smoked until our lungs begged us to stop. A full-filling day that was. The boy inherited my stratocaster and has been doing justice to it ever since. In return he gave me the assurance of life long sutta sharing company n the secret promise that he'd laugh at my jokes even when they aren't funny. Fair enough. Life has changed since then.We turned brothers and have been fighting injustice and have dedicated our lives to saving the world from Britney Spears and Himesh Reshammiya. Yup. Zubair's the man. ANd ya I have official rights to make a fool of myself, and drag him down along with. Whatte convenient it is...
And so Orions Belt was formed. And we're still jobless.
And time moved on.
One day when I was smoking spiked hooka in the mystical himalayas i came across another boy, who, like me, had a fetish for navy cut cigs and strings on wood. It was a wonderful day, though i have no memory as to how. Ahem.. so then we sat down and smoked until our lungs begged us to stop. A full-filling day that was. The boy inherited my stratocaster and has been doing justice to it ever since. In return he gave me the assurance of life long sutta sharing company n the secret promise that he'd laugh at my jokes even when they aren't funny. Fair enough. Life has changed since then.We turned brothers and have been fighting injustice and have dedicated our lives to saving the world from Britney Spears and Himesh Reshammiya. Yup. Zubair's the man. ANd ya I have official rights to make a fool of myself, and drag him down along with. Whatte convenient it is...
And so Orions Belt was formed. And we're still jobless.
GrooveTown
Take me Groove, take me now
Underneath the rainbow, over the clouds
Beyond common sense, and what seems to be real
Take me away to the place that can heal
And then show me, a reason to feel alright
A reason to smoke my fears away, into the night
Take me away, to GrooveTown
To the town of Groove
Where a smile and a vibe
Can heal all that's impure....
It was a cold Monday morn, smoked screened window pane
The sun went shallow, but the breeze stayed the same
I went kaliedoscopic, had the groovy Monday blues
So I lit up another, stepped up, and got outta my shoes
I picked up my bass, my significant other
The one nailing that groove all over the floor
And even though I was meant for strings six
I was happy with four, no less, no more
A sweet little slide, and a lil jazz on that bend
Open hammer pluck all the way to the end
This is nice man, its all good, its all funk
There's always more groove than I had THUNK
A slap and a pop, funk feelin free
I may be crazy bu that ain't stoppin me
And just then right there...
Wah-wah, the pedal screams
Hammer-on a pull-off a hammer-on
Whatever that means...
Grooves in the air, sweet mellow scream, sweet mellow scare
So i go on the sly and slip in another vibe, right there
A-minor G-major... Good Lord, I don't care
I just know how to trip I guess that's fair
Bend the funky C, and slide it to the A
Smoke sweet nicotine, and fly far away...
Underneath the rainbow, over the clouds
Beyond common sense, and what seems to be real
Take me away to the place that can heal
And then show me, a reason to feel alright
A reason to smoke my fears away, into the night
Take me away, to GrooveTown
To the town of Groove
Where a smile and a vibe
Can heal all that's impure....
It was a cold Monday morn, smoked screened window pane
The sun went shallow, but the breeze stayed the same
I went kaliedoscopic, had the groovy Monday blues
So I lit up another, stepped up, and got outta my shoes
I picked up my bass, my significant other
The one nailing that groove all over the floor
And even though I was meant for strings six
I was happy with four, no less, no more
A sweet little slide, and a lil jazz on that bend
Open hammer pluck all the way to the end
This is nice man, its all good, its all funk
There's always more groove than I had THUNK
A slap and a pop, funk feelin free
I may be crazy bu that ain't stoppin me
And just then right there...
Wah-wah, the pedal screams
Hammer-on a pull-off a hammer-on
Whatever that means...
Grooves in the air, sweet mellow scream, sweet mellow scare
So i go on the sly and slip in another vibe, right there
A-minor G-major... Good Lord, I don't care
I just know how to trip I guess that's fair
Bend the funky C, and slide it to the A
Smoke sweet nicotine, and fly far away...