Wednesday, October 14

Captain Schmack and his mentally-messed-up merry men

Avast Ye!! All Hands Hoay!!
Land is near, land is near!!
So don't you dare falter
Don't swing the lead, don't break for air
Or I'll run ye through the Hempen Halter!!

On a shallow face we got to see
A smile wickedly wrong and a wizened crack
The sun came up from empty slumber
But sadly so did Captain Schmack

With bearded glee he emptied his scabbard
Out came the iron and smiled a rusty shine
With a wave and a motion he called us on
And so we did that very time

We were a happy lot we were and we hoped we'd stay that way
But our dreams were crushed like fish and guts
When the captain asked us what work we did
We had nothing left to say

And then we saw all hell break lose and we saw his nostrils flare
We thought he'd kill us we did and so we started to prepare 

"You fools I'll break all your bones I will
And then grind them to dust
And when I'm tired of all the grinding
I'll use it to clean the rust"

We were scared and trembled we did, we shook beneath his feet
But again we saw his nostrils flare, 'twas such a comic treat
And though his voice sent shivers and tremors and shook our bones
We saw his nostrils we did so we hid our laughs with muffled moans

The sky was blue and the ocean too
And the sun came up to see, overhead
The gulls were up and flying with cheer
More sunshine and food for you and me, they said

We waited on as the bearded dude
Wailed and wailed and wailed unfortunately
For hours and days and years and years
A few minutes at most, for anyone but we

We wished he'd fall, or get a stroke
But that was not to be
He wailed us on and we wished for death
A pleasant and elusive actuality

And then it happened, the mother miracle
We jumped with glee as stopped his clapperclaw
And then it came all over again
More verbal sticks n stones from within his rotten jaw

As night drew nearer and death grew dearer
We wished he'd shut the hole over his neck
We were astonished at how he admonished
Every single man on the deck

But stopped he not and carried on and on
And years went by and all of us grew old and frail
And on a fine day merry our prayers were answered
The kook bumbled his poise and lost his voice he tripped his foot and hit the sail
And fell off the rusty ship.

That night we had rum and gin and everything else we could
For no fool there was to grind and chop our brains or keep us from our food
But alas 'twas not to be, our joy was killed as we had come to see
A figure in white and bearded glee appeared, a sequel to tragedy.

We could take no more
No rants or shouts of gore
And so this step we decided to skip
And soon the folk in town heard the news
Of the day when an an entire crew at sea
Jumped off their sailing ship.